a personal interlude: change can be sad

I pay a lot of attention to my dreams. Frankly, they are usually so very vivid that they’re hard to ignore. Last night's was short but still a bit of a doozy.

This dream was of the personal sort. My subconscious was sorting out feelings about a situation with a person I care for very much. She’s making some choices in her life that I perceive as troublesome, the result of which will very likely have us going in separate directions. I’m very unhappy about the feeling of loss this has triggered within me. But it’s her life. I can only remain as close a friend I can within the parameters of our lives.

Talk about a jumble of half spoken personal details. LOL

The interesting thing I find about dreams is how my mind defines and interprets real world situations. In this case, the friend was the only recognizable person from my life. All other the other characters were random dream people. Well, up to the end, but I’ll get to that later.

I was visiting from out of town and getting ready to leave in a few hours. We only had a little time to spend with one another before I went home. There were other friends around, people with whom she was sharing a house. But since they weren’t close friends of mine, and they didn’t know the history she and I shared, I didn’t feel free to say what I wanted to say to my friend. It was an uncomfortable and slightly heartbreaking thing to want to say good bye in a significant way, but be reduced to just giving looks across a room.

The ‘choices in her life that I perceive as troublesome’ part was turned into something a little over the top. My friend was a gay porn star. I even got to see clips from a movie she was in the middle of making.

At some point the other people moved into a different room on another floor. Once we were alone, my friend and I fell into a very intimate scene. My subconscious definition of “one last kiss” I guess. It was a little sad, the poignancy of a last time together, but felt natural and right to do.

That’s when John Travolta showed up. He walked into the room, peeked under the blanket at the two of us, laughed and told us to hurry up. My reaction in the dream was to laugh too and keep going while John was standing at a bar pouring himself a drink. He and my friend started talking about something – business related I think.

Shortly thereafter I woke. I was laughing at how weird things went (gay porn and John Travolta?) but I felt comfortable in how my subconscious was saying good bye to my friend.